I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize