He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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