How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
