...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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