I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
