So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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