it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
