Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize