So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
