her vagine was all disorganized.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
