I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
