Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
