yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
