I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
