It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
