I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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