Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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