drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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