Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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