I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
sex in a hospital.. check
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
