So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
