This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
