he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
