it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
