I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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