Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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