Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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