Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

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(377): View more from

I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"

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(264): View more from Anguilla

I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.

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(209): View more from California

dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"

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