i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
