I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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