I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drake has all the answers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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