The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
