He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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