Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
im on a boat
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