Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
