im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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