am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
