are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
