I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
