I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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