i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
