we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
