hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
