I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
