I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
