paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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