I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
