Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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