I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
