I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
