i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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