I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
