Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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