Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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