dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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