I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
