the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
