I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
