you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
PANTIES FOUND
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
