Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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