HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
