the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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