..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
