come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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