oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
