Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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