Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
