What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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